So here I am. hopefully no one comes here anymore because i just need a place to rant.

The truth is, I can't take it anymore, and I'm losing myself. Why are you able to forgive me so easily? Stop being so nice, I'll take you for granted. I dont want to be selfish and be with someone who loves me more than I love him. Even though I know I can't live w/o you. Every fucking thing around me reminds me of you. I can't go anywhere or do anything without you crossing my mind. But what if its just because I miss you too much right now? Give me sometime to set my priorities straight. I really want to be with you but I don't want anything like this to happen again.

How is it you can remain so devoted and I can't? oh wait, maybe during this period, if smtg like two years ago happens again, then we'll truly know where your heart is? Oh fuck me. I should stop putting him down just because I can't handle commitment.

Everyone who meets me and doesnt know what happened just comment on how awfully swollen my eyes are. Then some people would say, clubbing right?! & even that makes me think about you. Even though its been barely 2 and a half days, I miss you more than I can take. I miss your wake up calls. I miss how you'd try to surprise me by coming down while I'm working. I miss how your hair looks after you bathe. I miss how you'd wait for me to come home after I work, then pretend to sleep just to see what I'd do. I miss how you'd ask me to take my time cause you'd rather wait for me than make me wait. I miss that angry look on your face when other guys stare in my direction. I miss how you'd talk in that act cute voice, then forget that there's other people around. I miss how you'd rush down to help me carry my heavy stuff, esp if I bought school books. I miss how we always plan to wake up early to go somewhere for nice lunch but always end up ordering in. I miss you'd test food for the slightest tint of spicyness for me. I miss how you're always too shy to come for dinner with my friends. I miss how you used to cycle to my place in the middle of the night. This list could go on for years.

Fuck it, how am I supposed to survive?

Vanessa :D
CHIJ OLGC
CHIJ SJC
TP - Psychology Studies

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